kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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