I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
