Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
