Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
