your parents love me but you hate me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize