Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
