i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize