I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
