sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
