My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
