You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
