Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
