are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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