where am i from again
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
