So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
