hotel room ftw
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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