Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize