You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
