allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
