Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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