JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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