is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
