Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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