The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
