david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
