he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
