New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
