sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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