omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize