She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize