yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
