I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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