i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
