Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
