What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
