You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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