True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
