Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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