if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
