oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
