By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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