I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
