I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
