I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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