I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
