well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize