yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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