So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
