Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
