You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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