Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
