I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
