i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
