My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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