just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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