after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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