I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
