Pants 0. Shit 1.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
