just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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