he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
