i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
