i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
