I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
