So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
