Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
