So drunk, too bad you don't want this
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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