Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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