took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize