In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
