well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
