This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
