I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
